Heart Circle Zen

STATEMENT OF RIGHT CONDUCT PREFACE

THE SANGHA’S SILA COUNCIL (SSC)

The purpose of the SSC is to facilitate the resolution or dissolution of disagreement, complaints, or grievances. The SSC will receive all complaints and determine how to proceed in accord with the Sangha’s Grievance Procedure. The particulars of the Sila Council and the Grievance Procedure are set forth in separate documents. It is the responsibility of all Sangha members to be familiar with these documents.

ATONEMENT

Any person(s) who violates right conduct is also expected to make every effort to realign his/her conduct with the precepts and to take the action(s) necessary to restore the harmony of individual relationships and of the Sangha. Such atonement is an integral part of right conduct.

Atonement can take many forms, including but not limited to person-to-person apologies, letters of amends, financial restitution, and acts of service as amends. A formal practice of atonement may be held at the Sangha in cases that merit such.

SUMMATION

It is our sincere intention to continually realign our lives in accord with the precepts and to provide an open, supportive, and nurturing environment for the practice of the Buddha Way. The Sangha upholds core values and core practices to support us in continually facing and shifting our individual and collective conduct for the mutual awakening and benefit of all. We are committed to fostering healthy relationships and to maturing fully, both individually and collectively.

Attachment: TRIANGULATION

The term “triangulation” describes a situation in which two people are in conflict and one or both parties entangle other people in the situation usually to gain favor for their individual positions. In triangulation, contacting a third person is done not to dissolve the conflict, but rather to avoid the conflict or solidify one’s position.

For example, person A and person B are in conflict with each other. Instead of working directly with each other to dissolve the conflict, person A talks to a third person, person C, about what is going on and to gain sympathy and support for her/his view or position. Person A is usually, but not always, unaware of his/her dynamic.

When person C is unaware, C will become entangled in the conflict by taking sides or, even worse, begin to spread the conflict further by talking to others. Hence, a triangle is formed among person A, person B, and person C, although person B may be unaware of the triangulation. Perhaps person B is also triangulating someone else regarding this same situation, in which case, multiple triangles are being formed. Triangulation spreads the conflict to others not previously involved and many more patterns of triangulation result as other people are snared into the situation. This dynamic makes resolution more complicated and difficult.

The preferred situation is when an aware person A or B approaches a person C, a responsible party, with a straightforward intention to sort out one’s confusion about the situation with the aim of better understanding his/her role in the conflict and discuss options on how to move the situation forward. When person C is aware, person C will listen, ask guiding questions, and redirect person A back to person B or to an appropriate person who can be involved in resolution. Person C will listen openly and affirmatively and may ask questions that can help cut through the situation. For example: 1) What are the facts of the situation? 2) What is your story about these facts? 3) What is your role in this conflict? 4) What is your motive in speaking with me about it? 5) What is being triggered for you in this conflict? Person C will also re-direct person A to the Statement of Right Conduct and review the steps outlined for dissolving a conflict.

Person C must be aware that she/he is hearing only one side of the story, no matter how compelling or convincing the account may appear or how emotionally upset the person is. Person C needs to be self aware of how she/he may favor one of the persons involved in the conflict over the other. When this is the case, person C may communicate to person A by following these guidelines: 1) I suggest that you speak to so and so for an unbiased assessment ... ; 2) I am not able to listen to you because ... ; and/or 3) Your behavior is harming ... and so forth.

Triangulation often results when we have been conditioned to not deal with conflicts directly, when we want to be right, when we want to be liked and approved of, and when we are blind to how much suffering we are capable of causing to ourselves and another person. It also is likely to happen when people lack the skills to deal with conflict. People who have been conditioned to triangulate and, therefore, not take responsibility for their role in a conflict, may be offended when redirected to the appropriate parties. Nevertheless, practicing at Sangha implies a commitment to maturing by facing one’s conditioning, by taking the necessary steps to learn about the triangulation dynamic, and to address any conflicts you are a part of.

Triangulation can also occur when a problem is being discussed by a group of people, including those who are designated as being responsible for helping to address conflicts. People who hold these positions must undergo the appropriate awareness training, be self-aware enough to know when they are not being objective, and be able to take a detached and open view.